The World thru my beady eyes

Dear blog,

its been awhile. Alot has indeed happened while this absence. Truly my life has indeed got its  "interesting" moments. Sometimes life is indeed like that. What you dont expect suddenly flies at you as its someone is courting you. No i am not emoing and im not talking about Love.

Recently, i was diagnosed with bronchitis. Really terrible illness. I should have gone to hospital but my stubborn Me just said no...i flatly refuse. With exams around the corner and things to settle with the post MASSAD, i choose to stay in the hostel. Yes its difficult but with faith and mercy hopefully i will survive.





 Also dealing with post MASSAD has really opened my eyes to the cruel nature of power, greed, politics that is going on in Moscow. Truly i dont want to mention the parties but its truly something i dont wanna meddle in it. With power comes greed and with greed comes insanity.

Letters to God

Watching letters to God has really touched me and inspired me. I never knew this movie existed and im very sure many of you guys are oblivious to this movie. I just simply random search movies of 2010 and someone i caught myself staring as this picture. It caught my eye and without much hesitation i just downloaded it. Later i realized that the producer is the same as fireproof another meaningful meaning.

This movie is about the young kid, Tyler and he like most unfortunate people do, have cancer. But this guy is just so amazing as he is positive. He wants to play football for his team and he wants to enjoy life. He is not even looking for pitifulness.

His basic idea is "talk to God" and he has decided to talk via the letters. Now imagine your the postmen collecting the letters.....what will you do? I dont wanna spoil the movie for you guys but i wanna tell you that Tyler action brought about changes not only to himself but to others

HOPE IS CONTAGIOUS

You are a letter...written not with pen and ink but with the spirit of the living God (2 Cor 3:3)

Lackluster

Dear blog,

as this weekend is coming to an end. I just feel so different. I feel no motivation, no desire and no peace whatsoever. I just get so lethargic. It seems im running without a purpose.

So many things to cloud my thoughts. I wish i can share with someone but i cant. Life sometimes can be kinda funny. It tears you apart, spits on you and leaves you to rot. But truly i just dont wanna lie there. I WANNA DO SOMETHING!

I know to get someone whom i can trust 100% and really depend on is almost impossible. I used to trust in 1st year but i can do it anymore. I  cant face anyone anymore. Life around me is changing. Like once someone said to me "Change Is Constant". Seeing my group mate leave for good is saddening. Sometimes i wish i was the one.  Getting back with people is hard and awkward

But watching Letters to God told me something " Hope Is Contagious"

I wanna believe and hope for greater things. I know its gonna be difficult and truly its something i really hope for changes

Let me now muddle my head in my books first

A wet and cold day

The very cold shiver of the morning's weather stimulated every fiber of my being. It's icy cold nature woke me up startled. As i glanced at the clock, i realized its only 7.23am. It seems every single day im having a tendency to wake up early, However my body was just so tired and weak and gave in to the attractions of my bed.

All i know, i just need to wander my mind away from this world, its unfairness, its brutality and its amicable nature 


The week that past was like a crestfallen flowers that bore many thorns. Dealing with the aftermath of MASSAD can not be described as a breeze more of running in a quicksand. No matter what i do, i still am left to deal with the loose strings.

Loose ends

Making certain decisions like the one ive been planning to do before MASSAD can never been easy. I took courage and sought out those whom i wanted to speak to. I hope for the best in them and can only hope to be part of their lives again. I have never stopped caring and will never ever stop

Making decisions that hurt people is sometimes the ugly nature when put in position. I'm afraid that i have to make these decisions not out of spite but out of humanity, meritocracy and mercy. 

I know for sure this is a race where im all on my own ( of course God is forever with me) and really im gonna run and never look back. Run like i've never ran before. Faced with many obstacles in the past, tribulations and dissapointments of the people, i know i've got to do it

Finally

Dear blog,

finally over the long period of all the hustle and bustle, stress, MASSAD 2011 is completed. To me it doesn't matter what people say because im really proud of my committee for i know and seen their hard work. Today i know for myself  MASSAD 2011 is more than a event in itself but a journey that brings insight, build individuals and fosters relationship. Today I've seen changes, though not big but a change for a better. I am indeed proud of my committee

       My Favorite Picture of The Night 

Now that MASSAD is over, i just really wanna focus back on my life. I know i have changed alot and really i just wanna remain low profile and just segregate. I know now that i just can only depend on myself

Lessons in Moscow

Its been 1 year 6 months in Moscow and yet the same feeling inflates my body. I just do wonder sometimes really why on earth i have to face so many obstacles and disappointing moments here in Moscow. Every single event takes alot out of me both emotionally and physically.

Trust to me is something that is important and really when it comes to trust boy have i been dissapointed so many times. You know i trust the person with all my heart and yet they dont trust you back even when you defend them so many times. It's quite hurtful because you know yourself you haven't done anything bad yet people dont trust you. Sometimes i just hope people can trust me, really. Some just hear rumours and believe it and someone just label you. Not even a single trust

Lie. This is a very strong taboo word. Guys why do we need to lie? To protect our own ego? Well you know the famous expression " If you lie, it will grow bigger and hurt you in the end" . I totally dont believe this statement as i know the person who is lied to will be the one that  get hurt the most. Why can people just be direct with me or let me handle the truth. Do i look like somone who i can be lied too easily?

So many times these 2 issues have cropped out in my Moscow life and i know one day one big blow can really knock me out. I know i dont apprear to look strong or what but i dont really care about that

8 March 2011

As the clock struck 12, i realize that im 21 of age. A supposedly turn of time where i am considered as an adult and with the 'green light' to do many other things that only adults can do
            

Yet really i didnt fully feel much different from being 20 or even 19 and etc. I felt the same. The same kind of guy that is still mainly immature, not able to have clear reasoning, a failed courtship and a lack of purpose. However my birthday turned to be extraordinary

Firstly, i will always remember 8 March as the day Ling, my Vietnamese neighbor left for Vietnam for good. I will really miss her alot as she brought joy and laughter in my life

Secondly, problems with the limousine ride and really a sour end to the ride with all the fights and arguments.

Thirdly, i am ALIVE! i wanna thank God for he saved me from a certain incident and really make me appreciate my life


Recently my last birthday celebration was late but a huge surprise and i did enjoy it. However i know i cant face it anymore . I just cannot!!!!!! Life kinda sucks as really it hurts so much more and really i just wanna leave Moscow.

As far as i know the light  of the tunnel is diminishing slowly. Hope is fading, the leaves are flying, the tree so barren and the chillness of the night sums up my current state of affairs right here in Moscow