Realization

Daniel Bedingfield-Never Gonna Leave Your Side

I feel like a song without the words, a man without a soul, a bird without its wings, a heart without a home.
I feel like a knight without a sword, a sky without the sun, cause you are the one.
I feel like a ship beneath the waves, a child who's lost its way, a door without a key, a face without a name.
I feel like a breath without the air, and everyday's the same, since you've gone away.


I gotta have a reason to wake up in the morning.
You used to be the one that put a smile on my face.
There are no words that could describe how I miss you;
I miss you, everyday. Yeah

And I'm never gonna leave your side.
And I'm never gonna leave your side, again.
still holding on, girl, I won't let you go,
Cause when I'm lying in your arms I know I'm home.


They tell me that a man can lose his mind / living in the pain.
Recallin' times gone by, I'm crying in the rain.
You know I've wasted half the time and I'm on my knees again.
'Til you come to me. Yeah.


I gotta have a reason to wake up in the morning.
You used to be the one that put a smile on my face.
There are no words that could describe how I miss you.
And I miss you, everyday. Yeah.

And I'm never gonna leave your side.
And I'm never gonna leave your side, again.
Still holding on, girl, I won't let you go.
Lay my head against your heart, I know I'm home.

I'm never gonna leave your side.
And I'm never gonna leave your side, again.
Still holding on, girl, I won't let you go.
Cause when I'm lying in your arms I know I'm home.


 Sometimes i know its not complete without you and even though you say its impossible i am never gonna leave your side. My feelings are pure and real emaciating from my heart. Though you say it's a waste of time i know in my heart how much i really enjoy even being with you for even a minute. Regrets are forever so why not just give it all your best. I wish and pray for a miracle

A Familiar Feeling

How can you stop loving somebody? How can you move on?

So many times people tell move on and find someone else. Easy for them to say. But in practice no way is it easy. 2 years of trying and still no result.

But why do i still choose to continue?

I know that it is the right choice
I can only think of that person- 1st thought in the morning

Sometimes i wish i can just share a long conversation with her. To share my dreams and aspirations, to partake my problems. Mostly i want to listen to her day, her aspirations her family and what makes her happy. A smile on her face is enough for be to be contented. Love is not simple but a complex emotional whirlwind that draws you in and doesn't let you out

I want to be in this whirlwind with her. This is the only time i can spend time with her. 

Positive outlook

Here is the scenario

Woke up one day, took a good look at myself in the mirror. Still so unsatisfied, i remove my shirt and my pants. Leaving my stark naked body with only my boxers on. I look more intensely and i saw the following

(i) Short height- 165m : Basically short for a guy. Most guys are at least 170++ average
(ii)Fat -60kg : I saw a glimpse of a belly growing and i seem to get rounder..did i see a double chin??
(iii)Hairy- Ankle to thigh and along my arms : Thick and long and bushy

Normally this 3 is more than enough to turn any girl away. Grossly speaking, i am neither "hot", "attractive", "lean" or worth glance.

I should just hate myself or even God for giving me this body. Come one who wants a dark, hairy, fat and short body? Offer this to most normal people and surely no offers on the table.

I  however smile at myself, rub my cute belly and stroke the hairs of leg. Well i didnt get to choose what kind of body i will get, what skin colour i wanted. But i chose to be contented. I am proud that im dark, hairy, short and even round. People can judge me but i myself is not going to judge myself

Even if no girls want to accept me for this, i rather not have that girl. Love is unconditional, border less and free. You may call me BLACK, FAT, HAIRY, DWARF Kugan. Yup thats is me.

But i am who i am. Thank you Mum and Dad for the genes and for a chance to grace this planet. That to me is the essence of life  :)
 

The World thru my beady eyes

Dear blog,

its been awhile. Alot has indeed happened while this absence. Truly my life has indeed got its  "interesting" moments. Sometimes life is indeed like that. What you dont expect suddenly flies at you as its someone is courting you. No i am not emoing and im not talking about Love.

Recently, i was diagnosed with bronchitis. Really terrible illness. I should have gone to hospital but my stubborn Me just said no...i flatly refuse. With exams around the corner and things to settle with the post MASSAD, i choose to stay in the hostel. Yes its difficult but with faith and mercy hopefully i will survive.





 Also dealing with post MASSAD has really opened my eyes to the cruel nature of power, greed, politics that is going on in Moscow. Truly i dont want to mention the parties but its truly something i dont wanna meddle in it. With power comes greed and with greed comes insanity.

Letters to God

Watching letters to God has really touched me and inspired me. I never knew this movie existed and im very sure many of you guys are oblivious to this movie. I just simply random search movies of 2010 and someone i caught myself staring as this picture. It caught my eye and without much hesitation i just downloaded it. Later i realized that the producer is the same as fireproof another meaningful meaning.

This movie is about the young kid, Tyler and he like most unfortunate people do, have cancer. But this guy is just so amazing as he is positive. He wants to play football for his team and he wants to enjoy life. He is not even looking for pitifulness.

His basic idea is "talk to God" and he has decided to talk via the letters. Now imagine your the postmen collecting the letters.....what will you do? I dont wanna spoil the movie for you guys but i wanna tell you that Tyler action brought about changes not only to himself but to others

HOPE IS CONTAGIOUS

You are a letter...written not with pen and ink but with the spirit of the living God (2 Cor 3:3)

Lackluster

Dear blog,

as this weekend is coming to an end. I just feel so different. I feel no motivation, no desire and no peace whatsoever. I just get so lethargic. It seems im running without a purpose.

So many things to cloud my thoughts. I wish i can share with someone but i cant. Life sometimes can be kinda funny. It tears you apart, spits on you and leaves you to rot. But truly i just dont wanna lie there. I WANNA DO SOMETHING!

I know to get someone whom i can trust 100% and really depend on is almost impossible. I used to trust in 1st year but i can do it anymore. I  cant face anyone anymore. Life around me is changing. Like once someone said to me "Change Is Constant". Seeing my group mate leave for good is saddening. Sometimes i wish i was the one.  Getting back with people is hard and awkward

But watching Letters to God told me something " Hope Is Contagious"

I wanna believe and hope for greater things. I know its gonna be difficult and truly its something i really hope for changes

Let me now muddle my head in my books first

A wet and cold day

The very cold shiver of the morning's weather stimulated every fiber of my being. It's icy cold nature woke me up startled. As i glanced at the clock, i realized its only 7.23am. It seems every single day im having a tendency to wake up early, However my body was just so tired and weak and gave in to the attractions of my bed.

All i know, i just need to wander my mind away from this world, its unfairness, its brutality and its amicable nature 


The week that past was like a crestfallen flowers that bore many thorns. Dealing with the aftermath of MASSAD can not be described as a breeze more of running in a quicksand. No matter what i do, i still am left to deal with the loose strings.

Loose ends

Making certain decisions like the one ive been planning to do before MASSAD can never been easy. I took courage and sought out those whom i wanted to speak to. I hope for the best in them and can only hope to be part of their lives again. I have never stopped caring and will never ever stop

Making decisions that hurt people is sometimes the ugly nature when put in position. I'm afraid that i have to make these decisions not out of spite but out of humanity, meritocracy and mercy. 

I know for sure this is a race where im all on my own ( of course God is forever with me) and really im gonna run and never look back. Run like i've never ran before. Faced with many obstacles in the past, tribulations and dissapointments of the people, i know i've got to do it